Why your house is dumb.

Let me clarify- it’s not JUST your house. It’s mine. And theirs. It’s all of them. If insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results- guys, we’re all insane.

I have dreamt of building my own home- especially710ece6850f9eb1834d34cd2e80fa0f4 out of alternative/eco building materials. Think of straw bale homes, earthships, heck– even a yurt! That’s my future goal, I dream about it, I look at floor plans and building types constantly, drool over Sunray Kelley’s cob homes, you name it.

But, what I do a lot of is make a mental note of things we won’t have in our home because they suck. Cleaning them sucks. They’re a pain in the ass. Why do we keep putting these things in EVERY house? HGTV- why do you tell us how amazing they are and how we MUST want them?!? WHY?!?! This is dumb. And it’s making your house… dumb.

At the risk of being hated and boycotted by all women, the entire entity of HGTV, and all of this considering no one actually reads this… πŸ˜‰

The DUMB list that’s infecting your home and ruining your life:

087543459fb61862d75a429ac24167f5Molding. All molding- base boards, crown’ed, door ways, decorative trim around your cupboard doors…. ALL of it. Guys- this SUCKS to clean, it’s just a bunch of fancy dust collectors that make all grime and gunk nearly impossible to get off. I’m still dizzy from cleaning my kitchen cupboards– maybe you can blame that for this ranting post. Let’s say NO to molding, mmm-k? Sure, it’s pretty. Buy a book of cool homes to gaze at from time to time, save yourself the trouble.

White. Paint, furniture, floors, appliances, before or after Labor day. This is SO not me– I would have a white house everything in my dream world. Then I wake up- white is dumb. Or maybe it CAN be ok if you’re smart about it. I HAD to have a white kitchen- had to. Now I scrub cupboards every week. (see the above mention at my state of light-headedness) Thought of doing a white wash on the custom table my brother is going to build me— DUMB. 8 people, homeschool, holidays? Dumb. Remember the white Pottery Barn sofas we all needed a few years back? Please.

Anything other than full gloss paint. My fancy friend painted her whole house- all with gloss paint. I remember thinking, “That’s weird… I thought you only did the high gloss stuff in bathrooms? Maybe I’ve been reading the sign in the paint department wrong?” No- she’s a genius. High gloss EVERYTHING! Clean up? The best. Anything other than high gloss in your house– dumb. Still need to have some white? High gloss. Problem fairly solved. (That and keeping your kids/dogs/husbands in bubbles.)

6714adef6a74b921a884bf53c0f04c99Doors. Ok, privacy- I get it. But doors get SO dirty! Dust collects on the pretty trim and indents (see point 1), grimy hand prints muck up all kinds of areas, dogs leave a slew of marks along the bottom portion– they get GROSS. And I cannot stand gross doors! Future home– as FEW doors as possible and probably some form of natural wood doors with as flat a surface possible. And no white, see the two previous points. (Also- great way to use macrame– a new obsession! Door curtains? YES!) Closet doors fall here too! HATE closet doors!

Anything other than natural flooring. Dumb. Carpet- collects SO many nasty things! Dirt, fleas, germs– YUCK! And I swear any form of laminate/plastic compound of some sort just gets so dirty SO quick! Raw wood sanded to perfection or an earthen floor. I’ve even contemplated concrete- then I could use a leaf blower to clear it off and power wash the floors. Boom.

aa34108505da525357d47ee34c03983bLots of cabinets/closets/storage. If you need that many places to tuck crap away– you have TOO much crap! You don’t need it, stop cluttering your home and wasting your money. A few, high quality, key items, a specific spot for each, and be done. It’ll look better, cut down on cleaning, be cheaper and your mind will feel at ease.

Tile. On the floor, counter tops, shower, anywhere! Some may be gorgeous.. but the GROUT… UGH! Scrubbing grout sucks- no way around it! And it gets so nasty- just say no. Maybe a little, well sealed on like a backboard or something. Flat surfaces that will constantly by used/walked on? No– that’s dumb.

Any furniture not hand crafted. I love you Ikea, I do. Pottery Barn, Overstock, Homegoods– love ya all. All the furniture? Guys– it’s crap. Stop investing in particle board pressed off a machine, covered in something pretty and called furniture. Build it yourself (you CAN do it) or buy local/handmade. Every time– you’ll thank me later.

 

Imagine cleaning a house that resulted after removing all those items! I hear angels singing… ahhhh…. One day!

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